Reckless: Damaged & Destroyed #1 Read online

  The real sucker punch to the balls was that I knew she wanted me just as much as I wanted her. It was written all over her face, and I've never felt an attraction like it. Scrap that, I've never felt connected to anyone that way in my life, period. I swear I could have been putty in her hands, but now I'm left with a serious case of fucking blue balls and no one to unload to.

  "You know, you did well tonight, Rix." Olivia's voice filters down the hallway from the bathroom and before I can stop myself my feet are moving toward her. As soon as I round the corner, all sense of control is long gone and she crashes into me. Her warm flesh is enough to send me over the edge.

  My cock is throbbing, and my balls are desperate for a release. Rejection isn’t something I've ever experienced. Long story short, I don’t fucking like it and it sure as hell doesn’t agree with me.

  I look down at Olivia and her eyes grow wide, her mouth opens, and a small gasp escapes her, telling me what I already know. She wants me, she always has, and now it looks like she's about to get lucky.

  "Rix?" her breathing is laboured, and I smile knowing I still have the desired effect. After Amber's sudden disappearance, I was beginning to question myself. Without even thinking about it, I fist my hand in her hair and pull her close to me, bringing my lips down against hers.

  Olivia instantly relaxes against my touch, just like she always has, and she feels so familiar against my body as I lead us both back into the bathroom, careful not to take my lips from hers. If I do it will only result in talking and talking isn’t what I need.

  Somewhere in the back of my messed-up head I know this isn’t right, nor is it fair on Liv's emotions, but at the same time she's a grown ass adult and can make decisions for herself. If she doesn’t want this, all she has to do is say… either way I don't give a damn. I need to fuck Amber out of my system and Liv is the closest I'm gonna get.

  I fiddle with the pins in her hair and allow it to fall down her shoulders, remembering how Amber's fell the same way. Closing my eyes, I tug on it a little imagining it was Amber's moans filling my bathroom.

  Liv's hands are already busy reacquainting themselves with my body and I leave her to do her thing while I lean over and switch on the shower, allowing the hot steam to fill the room. My hands begin to roam, pretending the flesh was the one of perfection I saw earlier. Sure, Liv is a little shorter and slimmer than Amber but that's nothing my imagination can't fix.

  I hungrily search Liv's mouth like I would Amber's, biting down on her lower lip. Liv growls her appreciation into my mouth, and my cock hardens, straining against my pants.

  I place a hand on her shoulder and tease down the strap, but it's no good. Everything is going too slow—I need to feel the heat of skin against mine and I want nothing to come between us.

  I hesitantly pull my lips away from Olivia's and she looks up at me through heavy lashes and her eyes fix on mine. Please for the love of God, don't start talking. She doesn’t say anything, and I breathe a shaky sigh of relief. Instead, she slides her hand down my pants and makes quick work of breaking my solid cock free of its restraints. "I've missed this," she whispers. Her words should trigger alarm bells, warning me this is all kinds of wrong. I shut them down before they can start and focus on the task at hand.

  I need this…

  I'll probably live to regret it, but fuck if I give a damn. My selfish needs always come first. I'll face whatever I have to tomorrow.

  With one fluid movement I rip Olivia's dress from neck to waist, exposing her creamy flesh. Her breasts look heavy and her nipples are hard, desperate for my touch. Who am I to keep a chick waiting? I dip my head and suck one into my mouth, causing her body to shudder. I swirl my tongue around slowly before biting down hard, and I suck it better again. Olivia has always enjoyed nipple play and she's always been so responsive to me.

  I repeat the same motions on her other nipple and her back arches with pleasure, her moans coming thick and fast. I can't help but wonder if Amber would moan loud enough for me to hear or if she'd be the quiet type trying to keep it all bottled up inside her. Fuck that. I'd have Amber screaming the goddamn apartment down.

  I suck in a sharp breath as Liv's warm tongue glides down my chest and stops just above my hips. I was all for exploring her body, but if she wants to suck me first then I'm game.

  It's been a while but damn, Olivia hasn’t lost her touch. She still sucks my cock like a fucking pro, but it's not hitting the spot. It isn’t what I need. No, right now I need more—so much more than oral contact. I need to feel her creamy flesh against mine.

  Grabbing hold of her wrist I pull her back up and remove the remainder of her dress until she's naked before me—completely exposed. Just how I'd have Amber if she was here.

  "Lie down." I command pointing to the vast floor of the shower. "I want to see all of you."

  Olivia doesn’t object and she happily splays herself out on my floor. Olivia has always been beautiful. I'd be lying if I were to say otherwise, and I've always felt some form of attraction to her—I just never liked sticking to the one chick. Well, that was until a few hours ago. When I saw Amber, I finally realized what an attraction was.

  Droplets form all over her body as the hot water beats down against us and Olivia is on pins, unsure of what's to come next.

  I'd love to tease her, to keep her waiting, but I'm not sure I'll be able to hold out much longer. I waste no time in gripping her ankles and sliding them up to expose her sex. I'm pleased with what I see. She's fucking glistening, wet as fuck just waiting for my cock to enter her.

  I allow my fingers to glide across her moist entrance before sliding two fingers deep inside her and I thrust hard, getting her ready for my cock to fuck the crap out of her.

  "Fuck me, Rixon." She pants between shallow breaths. "I need you. I need to feel you inside me, now. Fuck me, please."

  I throw my head back, imagining her words were falling from Amber's mouth. Imagining that innocent beauty laid on her back begging for me to fill her. Begging for more.

  I give one last thrust of my fingers before pulling them out and I slide them into Olivia's mouth and demand her to suck. "Do you taste that? Can you taste how horny you are for me? Now I want those juices on my cock. Bend over." Again, Liv does as she's told, spreading her legs for me and fuck me, it's a beautiful sight. She turns her head to look at me, but I fist her hair before grabbing my cock and positioning it against her soaking wet entrance.

  I rock my hips back and forth, slowly spreading her juices before delivering a hard, sharp thrust and she squeals out in delight as pleasure ripples through her body.

  My jaw clenches as her walls tighten around me. Now this, this is exactly what I need, only it should be Amber encasing my cock, but I guess beggars can't be choosers.

  As I build up my pace, Olivia begins to rock her hips, her groans growing louder and louder, and I pull harder on her hair while bringing my other hand down on her clit. She tightens some more as I rub faster, and her hips buckle before she comes hard on my cock. Amber's perfect face flickers in my mind's eye as I thrust deeper and faster, chasing my own release, with Amber's name a small whisper on my lips.

  As soon as I have emptied myself inside Olivia, I selfishly slump over her and I know this can’t happen again. I need to find Amber and make her mine.

  And I won't stop until I do.

  AMBER

  "Ms Willows?"

  I snap the magazine shut and look up to find a young man, tall, stylish and very straight-faced staring back at me expectantly.

  "Hey," I stand, careful to avoid stumbling into the coffee table, and I hold my hand out and say, "nice to meet you."

  "Come this way, please." He replies, but he doesn’t take my hand. Jeez, I'm nervous already and the last thing I need is some guy getting all arrogant on me. I'm sure he experienced a first day too at some point. Surely, he must remember what the nerves felt like?

  He quickly turns back to face me, and he holds his hand out to signal the door
before him. "This will be your office." He turns again and steps inside and I automatically follow him.

  "Wow," I spit out, and that finally gets a smile out of him. He looks so much younger when he smiles but I don’t think now is the right time to point that out to him. "This is mine?" I ask in disbelief.

  "Well, technically speaking it's ours, but it will be your name on the door."

  "Sorry, I didn’t catch your name?"

  He repositions his glasses, a rose gold frame adding to his elegance as he says, "That's because I didn’t give it to you, darling. I'm Ryder and I'm your assistant."

  "My assistant?" Either he's got his wires crossed or he's winding me up.

  "Office bitch, slave driver, whatever you want to call it. You call and I come running." He tells me flatly and I have to stop myself from laughing.

  Instead, I bite down on my lower lip, unsure what I'm supposed to say. Ryder, or whatever he's called was super stand-offish when I met him and now he's trying to joke around. Maybe he's a little bipolar? "I didn’t know I was having an assistant."

  "Well, now you do. There's a brief on your desk for today and then I guess you'll be thrown into the deep end tomorrow."

  The deep end?

  Is this guy shitting me? If this isn’t the deep end, then I'm screwed. Today is my first day on the job and I haven’t a clue what I'm supposed to be doing. I throw my hands up in despair. "Look, Ryder, I don’t want to rock the boat on my first day or anything, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing here. Maybe you could help a girl out?"

  "All right, I'm gonna go for gold and say you're here because you're supposed to be working?"

  "Yeah, I kind of figured that. But working on what?"

  "Everything's in your brief, darling. Don't panic or the wolves will form." Ryder tilts his head outside the glass wall of my office to signal my new work colleagues and I shudder. Sometimes being the new girl really sucks.

  "Thanks for the heads up. I think?"

  Ryder offers me a sympathetic smile before he turns around and leaves me all alone in my massive, and thoroughly exposed, office.

  It really is beautiful though. Glass windows are everywhere, and if I wasn’t twenty storeys high I'd feel really exposed, but fortunately I don’t need to worry about anyone peeking into my office apart from the people I work with.

  What I do need to worry about though is the hideous looking Manilla folder waiting for me on my desk. I thought someone might have been here to help me, or at least welcome and guide me on my first day. As for Ryder, considering he's my assistant, he's doing a shocking job of it so far. He hasn’t even asked me if I want a coffee.

  A knock sounds on the door just as I'm about to open the file and I don't know if I'm relieved for the distraction or not.

  I look over to my right and see a tall brunette smiling back at me. Here's hoping she's a hell of a lot more useful and welcoming than Ryder turned out to be.

  "Amber, right?" she smiles, and I instantly relax. As far as first impressions go, she looks friendly and that’s a much better vibe than I received from Mr. Stand-offish.

  "The one and only," I tell her weakly and my voice cracks a little. God, I'm so nervous right now.

  "I'm Rachel. I saw you arrive earlier. It's your first day, huh? Are you nervous?"

  "Truthfully? I'm more nervous than I've ever been in my life." I'm surprised how easily I admit that to her, and I panic for a split-second hoping I haven’t divulged too much too soon. "So, is everyone thrown in at the deep end, then?"

  Rachel laughs and glides her long slim legs toward my desk. "Ah, let me guess. The brief?" She points a perfectly manicured nail at the dreaded Manilla file before asking, "have you opened it?"

  "Not yet. I was about to check it out before you knocked on the door."

  "Go on then. Open it. Don't mind me." I watch her closely as she continues to smile at me, and I can't help notice how beautiful and glossy she is. Everything from her hair right down to her toes shines brightly. "I won't look, I promise."

  What the hell is this thing? I'm dreading opening it more and more with each second that passes. Oh well. Here goes nothing.

  I try to steady my shaky hands, mindful Rachel is watching me, even though she's doing a shocking job of pretending she isn’t. I hold my breath and open it. Then I roll my eyes in disbelief. "I don’t get it," I exclaim. "It’s empty." My heart beats faster in my chest and then the panic begins to set in. "Why is it empty?"

  "Girl," Rachel laughs some more. "It's always empty," she tells me with a small sympathetic smile on her face. "Ryder. He's a goddamn drama queen at the best of times. He thrives from the attention and all that good stuff. I bet you a thousand bucks he's hidden somewhere just waiting for your reaction."

  "But why?" Am I hearing her right? This guy is setting me up to fail and having a jolly old time while it happens? I thought he was supposed to be my assistant? Isn't he supposed to assist me in my role, not make it harder for me?

  "Don't take it personally. It's what he does. He always likes to be the office clown."

  Ryder made a dramatic entrance not too long after I opened the brief, and he seemed to lighten up some too.

  "Darling, don’t be mad. I like to know who I'm rolling with," he mused. "I can't tell you how happy I was to see you saw the funny side, because there is no way I would survive this life working with a boring, stuck-up bitch. I've wasted far too much of my time on people like that."

  Well, I guess he had a fair point. I'd hate to work with boring people too.

  For the rest of the day Ryder went above and beyond for me. He supplied me with endless amounts of coffee, just like any good assistant should, and he was super patient as he showed me the ropes: the systems, emails etc. By the time I was ready to pack up for the day, I'd decided he was a decent guy.

  I could even imagine myself working with him. A guy—something I didn’t think was possible after the last disastrous male destroyed my life. Yet, here I am happily blowing smoke up Ryder's ass. Maybe it's because he's gay? Maybe that's why I don't feel threatened by him and I can be myself? Whatever it is, I'll take it and roll with it.

  "We're heading out for some food and drinks if you wanna join us?" Ryder calls as he swings around the door. "Unless you've already had your fill of me for the day?"

  "That all depends… who's we?" I ask him cautiously, vividly remembering the pack of wolves he referred to earlier.

  Ryder must sense my fear because he smirks a little before he leans in closer and whispers, "just me and my better half. It's torture enough working with these nasty creatures, let alone spending extra time with them. Girl, I'm not religious, but I feel it a necessity to pray regularly for their families."

  "Wow, are they really that bad?" I scoff back at him. I've dealt with my fair share of nasties in the past and I don't think they could be any worse than them.

  "Baby girl, you're lucky it was me you were teamed with today. Trust me, you haven’t seen anything yet, and they'll end up seeking you out at some point. Mean Girls ain't got shit on those creatures."

  I wish I could believe this was another one of his jokes, but the sincerity in his voice, the stillness of his kind eyes tells me he's being nothing but serious and I silently thank my lucky stars for Ryder. Here's hoping he'll continue to take me under his wing for the foreseeable, because with him I kind of feel like I have a small chance of survival in this vast ocean I've been dropped in where I'm expected to fend for myself.

  "So… are you coming?" Ryder asks me again, his fingers tapping against his wrist impatiently. All I want to do is head home, step into a hot shower and climb into bed, but I also don’t want to be rude either, especially after how he's looked after me today.

  With my mind made up, I switch off my Mac, grab my purse and stand up. "Why the hell not? I'd only be eating and drinking alone anyway."

  RIXON

  The darkness claims me and swallows me whole, but I can still feel and hear everything around me.
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  The voices.

  The loud thudding of my heart thudding in my ears as the fear and adrenaline pulsate throughout my body.

  Cold metal kisses my head, promising a quick and easy way to go—to end this, and my mind kicks into action.

  This isn’t how it's supposed to end.

  This isn’t my time.

  A sharp click sounds at my ear just before my eyes fly open.

  I bolt upright in bed trying to steady my breathing. My chest is rising and falling rapidly and a thick sheen of sweat covers my body.

  "Fuck!" I cry out to the emptiness around me and my fists lash out on the bed while I desperately try to remove the images from inside my head.

  "It's not real." I tell myself. I inhale sharply through my mouth and exhale through my nose, trying to regulate my breathing and my rapid heart. "Nothing can harm me now. It's over. It's all in the past." I continue to reassure myself, hoping I'll begin to feel calmer.

  I know I'm right, but it doesn’t make facing my demons any easier to handle. If anything, the images are so damn clear, it makes it harder—so, so much harder.

  I've had my nightmares under control for some time. They're always there, simmering away at the back of my mind, but I've grasped a little control. I've been able to pull myself out before the nightmare got too deep, but recently? Recently, I've been dragged deeper and deeper into the dark shadows of my mind, revisiting memories like it only happened yesterday.

  Laying here isn’t going to do me any good. I stand and make my way to the bathroom and turn on the shower. Time to get up, man up, and face the fucking day.